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Feb 20 2012

No Longer IN LOVE with my Soulmate

Last evening we had a lengthy discussion.  We shared with each other: our fears, limitations, what challenges we’re having with each other, and most importantly, what we’re reflecting to one another, and what the subconscious is continually trying to bring into our consciousness.

Reflecting on this conversation, some inspirational words have come my way, and I came to a startling realization: that I’m no longer in love with my soulmate.  Feelings have changed, actions have changed, reactions have changed.  Hold on.  Before you overreact to that statement, allow me to clarify.  I’m no longer IN LOVE, because I AM LOVE with my soul’s partner.

The ultimate realization, and purpose, in a deep soulful partnership, is to realize we are pure beings, pure love at our core.  That we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that ultimately, we are the same spirit, discovering itself through each other.  Love is what we truly are, and it’s what we’re here to experience.  In realizing this, as we’re challenged to deepen our love, we’re presented with the opportunity to increasingly embody the spirit of love, and shift from being “in love”, to being love itself.

Sure, it’s easy, and it’s smooth sailing when you’re “in love”.  But at some point that euphoria passes, no matter how fateful or divinely inspired the relationship is.  What you’re left with when the feelings of being in love fade, is a flawed human being, who wants what every human soul in existence craves: to be whole, fulfilled, healed, to experience happiness, peace of mind, inspiration, and to be LOVED, completely & unconditionally.

The reality is that every one of us human beings is flawed, broken, and in need of healing.  Nobody is perfect, and this world sure is far from perfect.  Being human is a hell of a burden.  We fall in love because we see the light in another, and they recognize the light in us.  Light attracts light, and this light is spirit.  We see pure illuminated beauty, potential, radiance, the pinnacle of what we are as human beings.  We fall in love with all of these wonderful & beautiful aspects.  For the luckiest among us, these euphoric feelings of loving every little thing about our partner, of feeling that they can do no wrong lasts for years.

I lost track of how many years it was before we actually gave each other our first dirty look, were snippy, short, or inconsiderate with our speech.  It was literally years of bliss, sweetness, and tenderness.  This is no exaggeration.  At times people were disgusted with our PDA :P

Eventually it fades.  As human beings, inevitably, all of our darkest & deepest aspects will bubble to the surface.  When you’re in a deeply committed relationship, peeling layers & revealing deeper aspects of yourselves, it not only accelerates this surfacing, but puts them on a collision course.  And added to the mix, we have the challenges & demands of life & society, such as finances, and having to work to survive, that are forced upon us, tug at us, and pull each other further away.  It’s not a coincidence that the majority of marriages & relationships fail.

I’ll go as far as to say that it’s due to intelligent design that all relationships unfold in this precise & calculated manner.  But why is it designed this way? How is love ultimately about our spirituality?

It’s simple.  We’re pushed to grow and expand, and deepen our love.  To become love.  To become spirit. We’re asked to evolve, to experience more of our divinity. We all have undesirable traits, habits, conditioning, pain, sorrow, demons, and skeletons in our closets. It’s human nature. When we’re in love, these parts of ourselves are either overlooked by the other, or not at the surface. When they do begin surfacing in a relationship, this is when the true test begins, and where most partnerships or marriages will fail.

We’re not exactly able to be “in love” with another’s flaws, with their pain.  This is where we are tested to BE LOVE. What does it mean to be love? Being love means to be allowing. It means to be patient, accepting, open minded. Being love means having awareness, mindfulness, understanding, compassion, humility. It means recognizing that you are one heart, one spirit, discovering itself through each other. Being love means honoring, and having gratitude that you’ve been blessed with the opportunity to experience the highest states of bliss & ecstasy available in the human experience, with another soul, another spirit.

Above all else, it’s providing the opportunity, and allowing the space for your partner to grow & blossom into their highest potential. This is what true love is. True love is being able to see your partner for who they truly are. You’re able to see them for what we all truly are, which is love. You’re able to recognize & set aside your own personal limitations, your judgements & condemnations, and open up for them, allowing them to be who they are at their absolute darkest, and their absolute brightest. Being love means having the courage to grow with your partner, and to recognize the gifts, the blessings, and opportunities in the yin & yang, the dance of shadow & light.

True love is allowing them to be imperfect, to repeat the same destructive patterns, to fail, to be human, to experience what their soul needs to experience. In being love, you allow the space for the conditioned, personalized aspects of the self to play themselves out, and to eventually fade & dissolve. As the layers of our conditioning are peeled, our true spirit, the spirit of love begins to shine through. It doesn’t mean being perfect, but it does require a commitment, a sense of purpose, and having faith & trust in the process of love.

A commitment to growth, a commitment to honoring the sacred gift of love. A commitment to helping each other heal, and to co-pilot this journey of experiencing our highest & deepest states of bliss & fulfillment.

Namaste,

Burke “Buddha” Coleman

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  1. Vincent Alexander

    This is good stuff Burke! You’ve done a fine job of communicating the essence of my favorite topic.

    1. Buddha

      thank you friend :) … i also appreciate you commenting on the actual blog, since you understand the importance of those things ;)

  2. Mario

    So very true about love . Love is happiness? .just a threshold for sadness and pain and nothing more. Yes, we can be really happy with love .but for how long? nothing is forever We live in a dimension where our chains are jerked through our whole life. Life is a mystery and full of doubts. I believe that when we transition to the spiritual dimension, perhaps true and eternal love will exist Mark ‘Monk’ Sandino

    1. Buddha

      Thanks Mario for your contribution.. it’s an interesting perspective that you’re sharing. I do agree that we live in a jaded world full of suffering, pain, doubt, etc, and your view that love is nothing more than a threshold for sadness/pain is valid.

      Regarding experiencing true & eternal love in the spiritual dimension, do you not believe that it’s possible to attain in this dimension? The way that I see it, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Spirit is fully present & alive within us & within this dimension. However, the material world causes us to forget this. As we more fully realize our nature as spirit, and as love, we’re able to love more truly/deeply & connect with others on that level in this dimension. In doing so we sow seeds to awaken others to our nature as love. The world is very sick and in need of healing. In being love, we can do our part to assist in the healing, and move the collective conscious toward realizing true & eternal love in this dimension. It doesn’t change the fact that we will experience pain & suffering while we’re here, and that the majority of humanity, at this stage, is oblivious to our spiritual nature. But I believe we have the power as individuals to assist in moving humanity in the right direction by being the change

      Namaste

  3. Kelvin

    We are filled with a loving spirit that is designed to overflow. The article seems to confine the overflow to an immediate partner or family – is this a correct statement? My understanding is that this spirit of love is one that is meant to overflow into our communities – to those we like and those we dislike, to those who are loving to us and those that harm us – is this something you could agree with? At its greatest expression I recall the events of several months ago where a man carrying a weapon walked into a school and killed several Amish children before turning the weapon on himself. The response of the Amish community was filled with overflowing love. The family of the man was contacted, consoled and supported by the Amish community – the family had lost a father, a husband, a breadwinner was their concern, They attended his funeral alongside the family and as people sent money to the Amish families to help with the loss of their children (was that possible?), they used this money to create education funds for the children of the man who had taken his life. Isn’t this an example of the expansive love we are to aspire to?

    With love

    1. Buddha

      Hi Kelvin :) … thanks so much for taking the time to read the article & to offer your perspective. Apologies for a delayed response, as I’ve been getting bombarded with spam on the blog & haven’t been looking closely at the replies lately as a result.

      You are correct that this particular article is speaking specifically of the love between partners. The inspiration for the writing was to hopefully encourage others, and express an example of fully & wholly loving our partner unconditionally through the difficulties that normally result in failed relationships. As well as being fully committed to the growth & healing of your partner. In relationship, we’re provided with a vast & limitless opportunity to heal & assist in each other’s evolution, but in my estimation, most run away when it gets to be too difficult, when there is opportunity to discover more treasure together, in union.

      However, in no way did I mean to insinuate that our love, or any overflow of love should be confined only to family or significant others. As a matter of fact, when one experiences the level of love I’m speaking of in this article, and is able to fully experience the divine in another, to see that we are all the same spirit, it’s a natural progression to extend this love to all of humanity. This also ties closely to compassion, an important ingredient to our collective evolution. When I speak of “one love”, which I touched on in the article, the outpouring you speak of is precisely what I’m referring to. Realizing that we are all love, and extending our love to all. I wholeheartedly agree with all of your points, and agree that what you’ve described is something to aspire to. That is a powerful story you’ve shared, and thank you for that. What you’re speaking of is another topic in itself, and given the inspiration, I see myself writing a piece specifically on having this type of love for all of humanity. Thank you again for your contribution.

      Namaste

  4. Jennifer

    That was beautiful, my husband and I have been together 16 years, our love lasted some very dark tmes, many times our continuing on together was questioned, realizing now, that all those ups and downs, were marks of evolution, every hardship a learning opportunity, love and light

    1. Buddha

      Jennifer.. thank you so much for sharing. I’m happy to hear that this resonated for you. Our experience has been the same. We’ve been together 13 years. Our most challenging times have proven to be the most enlightening, and as you put it, evolutionary, when we choose love over fear. Much love & continued blessings.

  5. Jessica Rodriguez

    I was with my ex for only 3 years, and we had so many ups and downs. It was a crazy soul contract that we had together. There were many many times that we both questioned whether we should be together, but we always chose love and continued to evolve together. Finally during the 3rd year of our relationship, we were at a point where we were comfortable and no longer fighting. We loved each other unconditonally, and I thought we were going to be together forever. I was thankful for all we had endured together. Then all of a sudden, she came to me one day and told me she no longer loved me and thought we should be just friends. I was devistated and did not understand why this was happening. I truly felt in my heart that we were meant to be together. I was like, why would the universe have us go through so much shit together and then reach a point of comfortability only to have us break up? I still wonder that to this day because I still love her. I still feel like she was the one. It is very confusing. It took me so long to feel content without her, and now I’m very happy. But I will still always wonder what the purpose of that relationship was. Hmmm…

    1. Buddha

      Hey Jessica,

      Wow thanks for sharing. I can only imagine how difficult it was to go through all of that work, to feel that she was the one, only to have her break it off. It’s interesting you commented on this today, as I found myself revisiting this article last night, almost a year later to the date of publishing it, as I’m facing a similar scenario as the one that prompted the writing to begin with. As for wondering what the purpose was, as I just shared a message a few days ago on my facebook page: Radical & Uncensored Inspiration by Triple B – trust the journey.. the answers will come in it’s right time.

      Much Love

      1. Jessica Rodriguez

        Thanks! Much love to you too! You know, I just realized it has been about a year since she broke up with me! Such a crazy syncronicity. :)

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