When one comes to the realization that we are all spirit having a human experience, and that we are all truly the same at the core of our being, this drastically changes our perception of the social scene, as well as relationships in general. Why do we seek friends, and others that are like minded, and share our opinions, viewpoints, experiences? Why are really truly good friends so hard to find, and why do we attach to them so strongly and value those friendships so much when we do find them?
Because a friend is another spirit who speaks to and uplifts your spirit. This is what happens when you connect with another on the same level, have the same tastes, opinions, style, even the same favorite sports team. The part of you that wants to express itself, wants to be heard, and wants to connect makes these connections. This is spirit working through us, weaving webs of connections in order to discover itself. A friend is somebody who can lend an ear, and allow your spirit it’s self-expression, and to be recognized for what it is. When you receive praise from friends for your talents, deeds, personality, etc. you’re receiving a recognition of your spirit, recognition of who you truly are. Ultimately we’re all seeking to find out who we really are, and to be heard, seen, and recognized for this. What we all truly are is spirit. This is why we seek the acceptance and the praise. Our spirits are persistently looking to connect with other spirits, as the more we connect with other spirits, the more we awaken our own. This is why sometimes when you meet a person there is an undeniable spark, and chemistry. The spark is spirit recognizing itself, and becoming alive as a result of the interaction. You see this in another when their eyes light up & glow. This is how you can meet a new friend, and suddenly be talking for hours upon hours sharing the same life experiences, and resonating with each other on many levels.
Although these social connections are ultimately spirit seeking spirit, and connecting with other spirits, there are massive layers of what I will term here: “conditioned human response” that operate the show. This is an understatement. Most are being led around by these automatic responses, without any recognition of spirit in others, seeing themselves as separate & conjuring up defenses in their mind as to how they’re superior to others. To illustrate what I mean by this, let’s say that you make a determination, or a judgement if you will, towards another person, and you feel “I don’t like that person’s attitude”, or “I don’t like their opinions”, the way they dress, or any of the thousands of reasons our conditioned human response chooses to look down upon, close ourselves off from, or judge another person. What exactly is it that you are not liking about this person? Ultimately it’s their own human conditioning that your human conditioning has a problem with. If you were to take any two individuals and completely strip them bare of ALL of the layers of conditioning and perspectives that have been attained over the year, you would find two spirits longing to connect to one another, without one reason to dislike or feel uncomfortable with each other. They would recognize themselves in one another, with no barriers. Ask any person on this planet, including the most evil & corrupted souls in their most vulnerable state how they feel about love and acceptance. It’s something that we all know, and crave, and strive for. Because love is ultimately what we are. Spirit is love, and we are all spirit.
Understanding Our Conditioning
The conditioned human response is like a fortress that gets built one brick at a time through our experiences from birth through adulthood. When we are born, we are pure spirit. We enter this world directly from the non-material world, directly from god. As I state on a regular basis, babies are our best representation of god. Pure spirit, full of joy, and love, and they know of nothing else. Exactly why a baby’s smile is so touching, and we love them so much, because we are witnessing pure unadultered spirit, and our spirit connects with it. As we construct our fortress, we put up walls & boundaries to keep others at bay. We’re wounded, shameful, insecure, and broken. Our fortress is our way of protecting our wounded selves. We pass judgement & condemnation on others because their fortress doesn’t agree with our fortress. Because our fortress needs to full superior to another, or point out flaws in another to maintain an illusion of security. But what’s behind the fortress always agrees. What’s behind the fortress sees no need to argue or disagree. What’s behind the fortress is pure spirit, and love.
When we come to realize that we are in fact spirit having a human experience, the fortress begins to crumble, and there is more room and opportunity to connect with other spirits. You become filled with more self-love. Others sense and feel your spirit, your “vibe” and are attracted to it. So long as their fortress doesn’t find a reason to take issue with what’s left of yours. Or as long as their fortress isn’t conditioned to reject spirit altogether. You recognize that you were seeking others’ approval to feed the ego, while what you were ultimately longing for at your core, is to connect to other spirits. When the ego dissipates, and you began operating from spirit, the fortress no longer is in effect. So when someone doesn’t like you, or something about you, you do not take it personally. You simply recognize this as their fortress trying to attack you. But spirit never feels attacked, only our fortress feels attacked. The more you realize that you are spirit, the more the walls of your fotress disentegrate, the less personal you take these attacks. Instead of being insulted, feeling the need to retaliate, you have peace of mind, and freedom from the conditioned human response.
What I’ve realized through my social interactions and connections is that I have fed myself on both levels. On the human conditioned/fortress/egoic level, and on the spirit level, often times mistaking one for the other. I’ve reached a point where there simply is no more need to connect with others on the egoic level, but only on the spirit level. Sometimes it’s still fun to play around in the world of ego, as an impartial bystander, but there is no more need to feed that part of myself. I only wish to feed my spirit, and grow & further evolve in spirit. I’m shedding the old conditionings, the fortress, the old armor. The social scene is truly a venue for this fortress to play and interact with other’s fortresses. Periodically there is a spirit connection. But as you fully recognize yourself as spirit and grow in this, you don’t need shallow social environments & “good times” to feed you any longer. As spirit you are alive & full of energy & life without needing the recognition, praise, etc. from others. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really nice to have, and it always provides a boost to your spirit when others recognize spirit. And there are times that spirit is not so strong, and that another spirit can lift you back up and provide the spark that you need, but it’s not necessary to feed the spirit through this means.
Choosing To Go With The Flow
I went on an experiment basically into the social scene at 31 years old. I had never really had much of a social life persay, being a family man from the age of 19, and generally isolating myself during my high school years. Sure, I’ve always had a magnetic personality, and some level of self-confidence, but I had never had a social network of friends; only friends through work and various random encounters over the years. Something deep in my soul compelled me to do this. Despite my wife’s concerns, and fears about me being out and about and meeting lots of new people, especially the young attractive female variety, I was driven to do so. Despite people’s perception of a married guy being out (more often than not) without his wife, I followed my intuition, went with the flow, and had faith in what I was guided to do. This is an example of what I mean when I speak of going with the flow.
It’s all come full circle for me now after about a full year of being in the social scene. I began to notice how people were drawn to me, and that there was just something about me that people were attracted to. Having never had any desire to form a network of friends or be in the “scene” at all, this was a new experience. I enjoyed going out and meeting new people, making lots of new connections, not to mention the synchronicity experienced. People seemed magnetized to me, and my positive influence. I thrived from the attention that I garnered, and in the beginning this really fed into my egoic self.
Eventually it all started to make sense to me why people were so drawn, and what my purpose was for doing this. Why I was driven to do it to begin with. Sure, Burke Coleman is an interesting guy. I suppose I’m slightly better than average looking. I consider myself charming, witty, funny, easy to get along with. But what people were really attracted to was my spirit - whether they knew it or not. Spirit is very much alive in me, and others sense it and are attracted to it whether consciously or subconsciously. The more connections I made, and the more people were drawn to me, the more I realized that this was why. It was their spirits recognizing, and being drawn to my spirit. Although there was plenty of attraction to the outer persona, the wittyness, charm, etc., ultimately spirit is what shone through, and I came to realize that all of my relationships have been built on this foundation.
To summarize, I don’t think I’m any more special than anybody else, but I will say that I do believe I have a very clear grasp on who I really am. I’ve discovered that who I AM is spirit; love. By going with my flow, following my intuition, my inner guide, and doing what felt true & right at my core, I learned this about myself. I did this in the face of fear, in the face of judgement, mis-perception, sometimes even persecution from others, and it has taught me to always trust this flow. I also pushed my wife to face her deepest fears & insecurities, knowing in my heart, following my intuition, that this is what she needed as well. As a result, she has transcended to higher levels of surpassing & leaving old fears behind. We’re more in tune than we’ve ever been, and have been provided countless lessons about ourselves & the purpose of our marriage. All of this, because I decided to go with the flow.
In your social interactions, if you’re able to recognize more spirit in others, and see through all of the layers of conditioning, the judgements, automatic responses, defenses, etc., others will begin to see more spirit in you.
Burke “Buddha” Coleman